2 Birds, 1 Stone

"Taking the Future for Granted" from my MySpace Blog:

I was sitting in a recovery meeting this lest week when the thought of taking people for granted entered my mind. I try so hard not to take people or time for granted. I know life is short. I learned that lesson when I was 9 and my grandma died. I've clung to my mom ever since. That's when it hit me. How much do I take myself for granted? I sit so consumed with my issues and addictions, that I neglect people who enjoy my company. Most of all, I neglect the God that wants to spend time with me the most. Yeah, I've been doing things for God, serving, volunteering, smiling at people, and offering encouragement...but I haven't given him my company, time for Him to just be with me.

And then I realize I take myself for granted in so many other ways. I sit and fester about the past, it's hard in recovery to ignore the past when I'm being asked to deal with it, and yet I look so much to the future that I take the here and now for granted. (One person put it, "If you have one foot in the past and one foot in the future, then you crap all over today.") And since the here and now is being neglected, the future starts getting taken for granted as well. Let me explain.

I've met a new lady who struggles with similar issues as I but she is much further in her recovery. Almost 20 years ago an eating disorder took her life. Almost 20 years ago I was 7 and oblivious to this person, her struggle, and how she would start to walk along side me and help me recover from the same disorder. So almost 20 years from now, who will I walk alongside? Who's life will I impact? Somewhere there may be a 7 year old oblivious to my existence, and almost 20 years from now our paths will cross.

What I'm doing in the here and now matters. It matters for the future. Who I spend time with matters. It shapes my here and now. And really, does any of it matter if I neglect the God who created me for a purpose?

So news from me: (1) 5 weeks down and I LOVE my job! Old people are hilarious, complicated, cantankerous, and feisty...and boy are they fun to tease! I'm learning a lot and making stupid mistakes along the way, but it's fun to laugh about them. I've decided to start the "Dumb ass Wall of Fame" in my office. Yeah, the highlight so far, interviewing the wrong patient for 15 minutes! The funnier part, my coworkers want to join in and add themselves to the wall!! (2) My eating disorder is coming out of isolation more so than before. I had an intervention a couple weeks ago and now I'm attending Overeaters Anonymous meetings and have another sponsor. I'm angry as hell because I can't keep my addiction as much of a secret as I want to. I even struggle to share it here. To be honest, I wonder if my honesty and openness pushes you away, especially since some of you have been hearing me whine about the same issue for 4 years. I struggle to offer something positive, something to keep you engaged...but then whoa, that's codependent. So, I'll just keep being honest. How about that? (3) Kalab, my newest niece, will be arriving from Ethiopia sometime this month. I'm so excited to meet her! (4) God remains to be enormously faithful and giving! I have a couple ministry opportunities to do some creative writing and then start leadership at Celebrate Recovery. I ask for your prayers that God will continue to be glorified as he turns my ashes into beauty.

Have a great week, campers!